Much to my partner’s chagrin, I finally made myself sit down and watch God’s Not Dead.
The movie is shot in a Love Actually-esque style, (albeit to a lesser effect) wherein each of the main characters’ lives intertwine in a way that you are not fully aware of until the final scene. Instead of everyone coming together in an airport at the end of the movie, **SPOILER ALERT** they all congregate at a Newsboys concert, Christian style.
Meet some of the players:
- The main protagonist – college first year; faithful Christian of unknown evangelical denomination; Caucasian American male
- This guy is clearly a Christian because the opening scene provides us with a close up of his cross necklace hanging over his Newsboys t-shirt.
- The main antagonist – philosophy professor of unknown school; militant atheist; also Caucasian American male
- Because coercing a classroom of Philosophy 101 students into declaring God’s death is not enough, he’s also a first class asshole to anyone who is not in the upper echelons of academia, especially his Christian girlfriend. Oh, but that’s okay because he miraculously does a 180 and converts to Christianity on his deathbed. Thank God the antagonist ends up in paradise with Jesus.
- The lesser protagonist – weary pastor; Christian, of unknown evangelical denomination; shockingly, another Caucasian American male
- It’s a good thing he doesn’t leave for Disneyland at the beginning of the movie as planned. Instead, in a clear act of divine intervention, God prevents his car from working (not once, not twice, but three times) before allowing it to start at just the right moment for him to providentially cross paths with the atheist professor on his pavement deathbed. The pastor then dramatically kneels down in the rain and holds the man’s hand to preach him through a last-breath confession of faith, thus regaining his enthusiasm for his pastoral vocation.
- The lesser protagonist’s voice of wisdom and encouragement – missionary; also Christian, of unknown evangelical denomination; African male, of unknown country
- He could quite possibly also be considered comedic relief with his child-like faith and lifelong wish to visit Disneyland. I went with ‘voice of wisdom and encouragement’ to give the writers the benefit of the doubt.
- The lesser and later repentant antagonist – bitter left wing blogger; possibly agnostic, Caucasian American female
- This is left-wing stereotyping at its best–because all liberals are condescending, vegetarians who attack freedom of religion. Actual quotes from the movie: To Willie Robertson of the popular TV show Duck Dynasty, ”You’ve made a fortune selling devices that are designed to lure waterfowl to their deaths…What makes you think you have the moral right to go around maiming and killing innocent animals?…So what do you say to people who are offended by your show, not just because of the hunting, but because you openly pray to Jesus in every episode?” And to Korie Robertson, WIllie’s wife, “I thought you’d be home, barefoot and pregnant.”
- The requisite ethnically diverse character, stereotyped according to their culture #1 – college first year; agnostic to be eventually converted by main protagonist; Chinese male
- In the movie, he speaks to his father in Cantonese and his father responds in Mandarin. That’s probably why the father can’t possibly understand when the son tells him that he’s considering such an absurd thing as believing in God.
- The requisite ethnically diverse character, stereotyped according to their culture #2 – cafeteria worker; in-the-closet-Christian fearfully living in a Muslim household; 1.5 generation Arab American female
- In reference to her wearing a hijab, a passing stranger in the movie actually says to her “You’re beautiful. I wish you didn’t have to do that.” Thanks Pureflix. We needed another reminder of how a woman’s primary concern should be her appearance. Wrapping the message in an easily digestible Islamophobic storyline is just an added bonus.
- Main Protagonist’s (antagonistic) girlfriend – college first year; Christian of unknown evangelical denomination; Caucasian American female
- Not sure they could create a more trite, superficial character if they tried.
- Lesser Antagonist’s (even more antagonistic) boyfriend – businessperson (and Superman in the popular TV show Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman); possibly agnostic, Caucasian American male
- Oh, wait, they did create a more trite, superficial character. This guy actually breaks up with the lesser-antagonist-blogger-girlfriend because she has the audacity to get cancer. CANCER! How dare she mess up his perfect life plan. She’s clearly “broken their contract.”
- Main Antagonist’s (protagonistic) girlfriend – job or lack thereof unknown; Christian of unknown evangelical denomination; Caucasian American female
- The only redeeming part of this movie is when she tells the main antagonist to shove it–that she’s choosing Jesus over his psychological abuse.
- Celebrity cameo #1 – Willie and Korie Robertson; reality TV stars and apparently mouthpieces for the evangelical Christian right
- Really, Pureflix? Could you make a bolder political statement than setting the Robertsons up as the paragon of virtue in opposition to a bitter left wing blogger?
- Celebrity cameo #2 – The Newsboys; Christian band
- Did they write that song for this movie? Not gonna lie, it made me cry. While my mind was yelling against the bullshit, my heart was easily overcome. I blame it on my upbringing– the emotionalism of evangelical Christianity is deeply entrenched in the psyche of those who grew up in its fold, and I’m no exception.
Well that pretty much sums up the whole movie.
Wait, you want more? I can do this in one action packed run-on sentence and save us all the trouble.
From the opening scenes to the final blow, God’s Not Dead presents the audience with unbelievable story lines (not unbelievable in the “Mmm that lasagna was unbelievably delicious” kind of way, but more in the “I’m watching something that is clearly staged with little consideration for representing genuine persons and is therefore unbelievable” kind of way), laughably outrageous antagonists, and ridiculous twists that are meant to play on audiences’ emotional vulnerabilities but would fall flat if not for the musical cues, all while painting exaggerated stereotypes of each of the main and lesser antagonists (i.e. militant atheists, bitterly misinformed left wing liberals, callous businesspeople-both Chinese and American, repressively backward Muslim men, and nagging girlfriends).
If you want a good laugh, be sure to read this hilarious play by play review from Robyn Pennacchia on deathandtaxes: Holy Crap: I watched ‘God’s Not Dead’ so you don’t have to
And with that, I wash my hands of this.
southern wreckage 